Longings over Legalism in your New Year’s Aspirations

What do you want for yourself in this new year?

Maybe that sounds like a selfish question. But it's the very best place to begin as you consider the changes you'd like to make and the ways that you'd want to grow.

Of course, with the turn of the year, we're prone to think, "Now's as good a time as ever to (fill in the blank...improve my marriage, lose weight, drink less, pray more faithfully...)" As January 1 draws near, we're often filled with a bit of shame about choices we've made or anxiety about our capacity to keep our new resolutions. Some of our biggest new year's resolutions emerge from shame and anxiety. Soon enough, they fizzle in ambivalence.

What if our year began in longing, though? This isn't some contemporary therapeutic technique, but an ancient path. St. Augustine (4th c.) himself said that grace begins in desire. And another early pastor and leader in the church, Gregory Nanzianzus (4th c.), said that "God accepts our desires as if they are of great value. So let us not be apathetic in our asking."

One concrete way to begin the year is to craft a "rule of life" anchored in your longings. Now, when you hear the word "rule," you probably hear what I hear - legalism, moralism, should's. But the word comes from the latin regula, a feminine noun which, as one writer says, connotes gentleness and points to a way of becoming our (whole) selves. Amidst distractions, a regula or rule points in the singular direction of your heart's deep longing. When you're pulled to small "d" distractions, your return to your heart, to your big "D" desires. You ask: What do I really want?

You can consider your deep longings for any number of areas of your life. And you can add your longing to each. The list below is something I offer people I work with in counseling and spiritual direction, even my seminary students. And with each, we simply sit quietly and discern what we long for. What do I long for in my life in God? For my closest relationship? In my prayer? My work? My engagement with the injustices of the world? Your clear longings anchor you. Your actions are born out of longing.

Ask (and then write down): What do I long for in....

·      My life in God – ex. “I long to be more deeply rooted and grounded…”

·     My life with my family/community – ex. “I long to be connected by…”

·     Prayer and worship

·     My work

·     My education

·     Cultivating honest (confessional) relationships

·     Play and recreation

·     Injustice

·     Space for lament and grief

·     My posture toward others

·     Self-care

·     My time

·     My body

·     My relationship with power

·     My relationship with money

·     Stewarding the earth

·     Habitual struggles (overuse/misuse of social media, video games, substances, etc.)

So, go gently, my friend. And allow your very good longings to guide you.