Too far to fall: The pastor’s worst fear – Failure

Failure. It's a f-word of pastoral ministry. It's the worst fear, the deepest dread. "I'd rather be diagnosed with a fatal disease than fail," one candidate wrote on his psychological assessment. "Failure - that's just too far to fall," said another. I was fired in 2003. It was my greatest vocational humiliation. After serving a … Continue reading Too far to fall: The pastor’s worst fear – Failure

When Narcissism Comes to…Church Doctrine (Part 1 – Introduction)

(v. 2) Narcissism is not merely a psychological phenomenon. It's a theological one, too. It concerns how we speak of and participate in God's life. In the coming blog posts, I'm going to highlight how this impacts key doctrines and themes that are often used and abused by narcissists, especially narcissistic pastors, for the sake … Continue reading When Narcissism Comes to…Church Doctrine (Part 1 – Introduction)

When Narcissism Doesn’t Look So Grandiose – “Vulnerable” Narcissism

I thought you'd be interested in this short tid-bit I'll elaborate on in the book. In nearly 20 years of counseling diagnosably narcissistic individuals and in two years of writing (in fits and starts!), I thought I had a pretty good grasp on definitions. That is, until I got the big green book, the Handbook … Continue reading When Narcissism Doesn’t Look So Grandiose – “Vulnerable” Narcissism

so, you’re married to a narcissist and you want to leave him?

"It's like I was a frog in a slow-boiling kettle," she says to me, shuttering from the trauma of having to re-tell her story again. "I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn't like the person I was becoming - bitter, passive-aggressive, emotionally distant - but never before had I connected it … Continue reading so, you’re married to a narcissist and you want to leave him?

fauxnerability in the church: what is it? what do we do about it?

25 years ago when I was just getting in the seminary/church/pastor game, vulnerability was not a high value. Things have changed. But with a higher value on transparency, authenticity and vulnerability in the church, there is a dark 'flip-side' that we need to be aware of. Recently, I listened to the final sermon of a … Continue reading fauxnerability in the church: what is it? what do we do about it?