Bill Hybels and the Future of the Church After #ChurchToo

When I read Phyliss Tickle’s The Great Emergence five years ago, I couldn’t help but think of that oft-misquoted line about Mark Twain’s imminent demise: “Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.” I’d read Regele’s The Death of the Church more than a decade before, but after watching the so-called Emergent movement emerge and stumble, never quite getting traction as an ecclesial reformation, I had my doubt that the behemoth of the American Christendom church could die.

That was all before #MeToo and #ChurchToo.

Intellectual critiques of church as Empire are powerful, but it often takes experiential learning for change to happen. Many pastors (like me) who were trained in the 90’s and fed a diet of Peterson, Brueggeman, Wright, and others like them learned to ask hard questions about Christianity’s collusion with Empire. Some of us experienced painful lessons in churches that were run like corporations and led by clergy-CEO’s. There might be a quiet advocacy for marginalized women, abuse victims, or the silenced, but it felt like nothing would ever change. Even in my early experience of a supposedly-accountable Presbyterian context where polity was a friend, the systems preserved the powerful and the influential. Ideas weren’t enough to change entrenched systems designed to protect the powerful.

If there is to be a great emergence of some kind, a new reformation, a dying-and-rising of a new kind of church and a new kind of Christianity, the moment is now – at least for the American church. It was never about becoming more progressive or more conservative, I don’t think – it was about us, our character, our health, our willingness to give ourselves over to the dying-and-rising necessary for growing up. The big new idea wasn’t going to change us fundamentally – it would take a revelation that we have a disease within us to wake up to our bad habits, seek out the treatment we need, and encounter profound change.

Revelations of scandal and coverup in the Catholic church have been trickling out for years. Televangelists have been exposed as counterfeits. And megachurch and movement leaders in the evangelical church like Mark Driscoll, Darrin Patrick, and Tullian Tchividjian have experienced their own reckonings for abuses of power. But these were not enough to shake us, evidenced in remarkably quick restorations inspired by a cheap form of grace. However, the revelations about Bill Hybels in this #MeToo and #ChurchToo moment are exposing much more than the ‘sin’ of one leader. The church is waking up to the nature of systemic sin, the embedded narcissism of institutions, the impotence of those called to govern and hold leaders accountable. This time it’s not just about the man – it’s about an entire system.

We’re slow to wake up. When I consult with churches entrenched in narcissistic systems and led by narcissistic leaders, I often see a kind of collective “Stockholm Syndrome” among staff and leaders. If I pull a thread and things begin to unravel, I watch as one-by-one they awaken to the toxic waters they’ve been immersed in. Narcissistic leadership in the church is especially toxic because, unlike politicians, we tend to believe that the pastor is saintly. Narcissistic pastors are adept at waving their magic spiritual wands, putting those that follow them in a trance. It is gaslighting, plain and simple, as followers, staff, and leaders question themselves well before they question the omnipotent pastor. When the thread is pulled and the systemic narcissism begins to unravel, the wake-up can be abrupt and deeply painful. Those around the narcissistic leader will question themselves, their faith, even reality as they’ve known it. This experiential crisis is the only hope for lasting change in the church.

When scandal hits Mars Hill and Mark Driscoll, we take notice. But when scandal hits Willow Creek and Bill Hybels, we wake up. It hits us in the gut. Bill Hybels? Willow Creek?

The thread has been pulled, and we are all beginning to see the toxicity of narcissistic systems. Our systemic disease is no longer a story for Christianity Today, it’s a story for the New York Times and the Chicago Tribune. Our illness has been exposed and the watching world has taken notice. The icon of ecclesial leadership has fallen, and it wasn’t just a misdemeanor offense. The sins of Hybels are not just his, but an entire system is implicated – other pastors in the system, governing leaders in the church, allies outside the church, and more. This isn’t a Hollywood scandal we can gawk at, this is our scandal, our reckoning, our moment to wake up.

Academic conversations about a great emergence or the end of Christendom have made for interesting conversation, but Willow Creek is our moment of experiential learning, our opportunity to die a painful death to our collective ego, grandiosity, celebrity worship, and more. Willow Creek is happening in small rural churches, suburban multi-sites, and city center churches, in black churches, liberal churches and evangelical networks. Many of us who’ve been working in and consulting with churches for decades have seen this virus at work, subtly spreading it’s disease. Now we see that it’s not just about a few fallen men, but about a collective.

It’s systemic narcissism.

It’s embedded in our structures, rampant in our institutions, spread throughout our networks and denominations – it’s the toxic ecclesial water we swim in. It protects the powerful, mocks and silences victims, and covers it all in a shiny spiritual veneer. It’s en-trancing effect led the evangelical church to overwhelmingly vote for a morally-vacuous narcissist whose manufactured daily reality show reveals how prone we are to being gaslit, how ignorant we’ve become to unhealth, to moral bankruptcy, to sin. It’s time to remove the blinders and look long and hard at our disease. Our collective disease.

This is an experiential moment of reckoning for the Christian church – for Catholics and Protestants, for progressives and conservatives, for each of us. We can’t not take a long hard look at our church, our pastor, our institution, our network, our denomination. We can’t chalk this up to a few bad eggs, a few big egos. We’ve got to wonder – together – how did we get here? What about us even craves narcissistic systems and leaders? Why is our American culture a perfect petris dish for narcissistic systems and leaders? How do our structures and systems cultivate this quick-spreading virus?

Our addiction to success, to grandiosity, to winning has gone unchecked. We forgot that we were followers of a suffering servant, bearers of the Cross, participants in a cruciform story. Willow Creek became the ultimate how-to-do-it-and-succeed counterfeit story. That isn’t a knock on everything it is and was, just a gut check for every pastor who thought – why isn’t my church growing like that one is OR if only we could discover their secret formula. Again, it revealed a lot about us. If you’re reading this as a post about Hybels or Willow Creek, you’ve missed the point – this is about us. Their story reveals ours.

What’s next? I hope it’s something beautiful, something remarkable – not the next-big-thing but a real death-to-resurrection story for the church in the United States. It won’t happen if we ignore our disease, though. How might you begin?

  1. Begin with you. What are your blindspots? Where are you unhealthy? How might you be a participant in systems that are unhealthy? Who in your life is brutally honest? (Ask people how they experience you) Are there repercussions for those who are honest with you?
  2. Start learning about systems – how they function in health and unhealth. Read Friedman’s Generation to Generation or Richardson’s Creating a Healthier Church or Steinke’s How Your Church Family Works. Understand how your own family-of-origin story plays out in your current system.
  3. Learn more about narcissism. Become curious about your own. Follow this track and learn about narcissistic systems, about psychological abuse, about gaslighting.
  4. Seek out the resources at NetGrace, become Grace Certified, and follow and read people like Diane Langberg. Lindsey/Justin Holcomb, and Wade Mullen.
  5. Engage in 360 review processes in your church, org, networks. Invite consultants in to advise and assess the health of your church or org.

That’s just a modest start. Keep exploring, but don’t ignore the hard work of personal change and honest engagement with the systems in which you participate. Become stewards of the healthy dying – in yourself, in your church, in your org’s – so that we may become witnesses of something beautiful and new.

 

17 responses

  1. I’d like to add:

    6. Listen to those the church previously called “malcontents” and the Exvangelicals, the critics if you will.
    7. Look at the hierarchy of the church and ask, “Are we showing favoritism?
    8. Look at the members of the church and ask, “Are they being groomed to worship the leaders and excuse misconduct?”

  2. Amen Chuck… so glad you wrote this up! I was working on writing something up for the CRC addressing the systemic issues, but I will use a link to your post instead!! thanks! much appreciated!

  3. AWESOME Post! We have been calling this Post-Evangelicalism, the danger remains that in the Vacuum another “Movement” would form that is just a re-branding of the old poisonous systems.

  4. Thank you, Chuck. Every since I left at the Crystal Cathedral I thought my experience there was part of a larger epidemic. Thank you for putting words to something I having been thinking about and struggling with for years.

  5. Wow ….. so clarifying for me …. 38 years at Willow Creek and your words just sank deep in my heart ….. i sense the scandal is reaching a turning point ….. so hope God’s favor will help to heal our toxic church …… many lovely christian people seek for Willow to survive and be purified …. thank you, Chuck

    • We have narcissistic systems because we are narcissistic. Our “systemic disease” is original sin. There is no alternative system that will be less diseased because it will always be the case, in this life, that the system used will consist of diseased people.

      • This is a fatalistic response that suggests that because we all have original sin we might as well give up trying to identify the specific ones that plague us and find a way to curb or at least hold accountable blatant betrayals of the gospel.

      • David Myers, I disagree… as believers, we have the power of the HOLY Spirit however, sadly, the Church has quenched that power instead of embraced Him… we, God’s holy people, will do greater things because He gave us His HOLY Spirit to help us. We have to stop defaulting to saying we are sinners… that is what we WERE… we are NOW, new creations in Christ and it’s time our actions showed that! and yes, we can do what’s right, because His HOLY Spirit is helping us (not saying we don’t sin, but through sanctification, that becomes less and less as we follow Jesus more and more and become more and more sensitive to the leading and prompting of the HOLY Spirit! It’s time to expose that distorted/deceptive doctrine that we are still “the worst of sinners”… that deception denies the work of Jesus Christ and the power of the HOLY Spirit living in us! We are new creations in Christ, the old is GONE! It’s time to live like we truly believe that!

  6. Chuck,

    Thank you. Praying our team here can reflect more deeply on what this means for us personally. This line was very important for me…”We can’t chalk this up to a few bad eggs, a few big egos. We’ve got to wonder – together – how did we get here? ”

    Peace.

  7. Very well said. We’ve definitely placed church growth above integrity and servanthood for way too long. I’m hopeful that we will see a shift in a much better direction.

  8. I shudder at the thought of The Church as a business, but that is what some churches have undoubtedly become. And when the church leader is also the CEO, alarm bells should ring. Too much power, too much temptation, too much corruption. Strip their assets, sell the buildings, use the money for God’s (not man’s) purposes.

  9. I am a pastor of a rural church that at 1 time had a Sunday school enrollment of 600, everything was beautiful (think narcissism). When I came they were down to under 15 on many Sunday morning worship services. They wanted back what they had and became angry at me for being a servant leader, loving the not so beautiful. They told me the church was a business organization and I told them it was a spiritual organism. We have grown and nothing is attractive by the world’s definition.. but those who come feel safe and welcome. This article puts into words what I have believed very well. Thank you. I intend to show my leaders and talk about it.

  10. Good article Chuck! I want to add to your good thoughts and heart for renewal in this pivotal moment for the church. At the heart what we are watching with wincing and pain and sadness is the result of a systematic pervasive inability to create environments of grace where we as leaders and those we serve can trust God and others with who we really are.

    Hybels doesn’t get a pass at all, but something was wounded deeply in His identity that allowed him to create a false self over the years and hide his deepest wounding and and walk in isolation and delusion believing he was someone other than a deeply broken and deeply scarred little boy in need of the healing grace of God.

    Lack of trust in God and others drives us to create and feed our shadow self and when I never can be real and vulnerable and trust you with all of my faults and shame and my deep brokenness, I never let you love the real me but only the phantom I project to God, to myself and to others.

    That’s a formula for disaster and what took place in Bill’s life and Willow. He was not protected by those who could have protected him in his greatest weaknesses and areas of need, because he never let anyone into the tortured part of his inner world, that drove him to his narcissism and shadow life.

    It is a great opportunity for ecclesiastical rebirth but it will not happen unless we create environments of radical grace and love that opens the door for the leader and others to trust each other with who each of us really are and to live out of who God says we are.

    We are all destined to a potential of a Hybels crash if we do not press into our deepest stuff and come to a place of letting the voracious grace of God wash over us continually and bring healing to the stuff that drives us daily to wearing masks and propping up the false self that says to God and others and even to our deepest self …. I am the Great and Powerful Oz …. pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

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  12. Chuck this is right on. King David’s core sin was not adultery but abuse of power, a form of narcissism. Pastors face the same temptation, and not only mega church pastors, but all pastors.

  13. Amen, Chuck. This is about us and our congregational and denominational structures. I was reminded last week that John Calvin wrote that above the top three qualities of a Christian is the quality of humility. We need self-honesty. We need others not for our narcissistic needs, but for our genuine needs and to save us from our narcissism. Thank you for your passion, wisdom, and calling us to learn from this pain.

  14. Chuck, thank you for this wonderful post. I’m at a conference for Air Force chaplain leaders and heard some of the same sentiments shared by two different speakers. We have developed an unhealthy leadership model in the church that is failing because it is based upon a corporate model from the 60s. When the Pastor’s Study became the Pastor’s Office and ministers became CEOs, we went off the rails. Perhaps this is not new. Remember that the people wanted a King, and sometimes it worked, but most times it didn’t. Thank you for your prophetic voice calling us back to be the people we were created to be.

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